"To achieve this, it is not enough to follow him (Jesus Christ) and to listen to him outwardly: it is also necessary to live with him and like him. This is only possible in the context of a relationship of deep familiarity, imbued with the warmth of total trust." (Full text here.)
Often I feel I've heard it all but this was new! And the funny thing (as in interesting, not "haha") is that my fervent prayer before Mass this morning was to recapture that "falling in love" feeling again that I experienced when I returned to the Church 7 years ago. That feeling lasted about 4 to 5 years but I've been feeling pretty dry the last while.
I have even toyed with the idea of not going to Mass on Sunday once or twice. I guess I was laboring under the delusion that if I went away from the Church again and came back that I could recapture that adrenaline rush of grace. Except now I know too much! I know I cannot miss Mass. In my case it would be a mortal sin. I know that He withdraws consolations once He has you body, mind and soul. Consolations are for beginners. The long-time faithful do get them but they come in different ways than for the neophyte. And that is a good thing!
"O Lord, You have seduced me, and I have let myself be seduced. Your word in my heart is like a consuming fire burning deep within my bones."
Jeremiah 20:7
It's a trick, isn't it?! You fall madly, deeply in love with the Lord and His Church. You educate yourself intellectually to the Truths that Holy Mother Church teaches, and you realize to the very depth of your being that YES! the Catholic Church IS Truth and you LOVE the Truth and all that entails. Then one day you think - even though I have free will I can't leave the Church. Not that I want to. But if I did, It's become me and I've become It and I can't leave myself. That would be death.
"I have been crucified with Christ;
yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me;
insofar as I now live in the flesh,
I live by faith in the Son of God
who has loved me and given himself up for me."
Galatians 2
I am amazed at how quickly He answers our prayers some days. I shouldn't be. I know He is always listening. Oh, and for the record - I like Jesus, I like Him very much!
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