Did you ever have an experience at Mass that left you even more convinced than ever that Jesus is really and truly there with you and has heard your most heartfelt prayers, that He has paid very close attention to the tiniest little details?
Today was one of those days for me.
I have been alternating between sadness and fear of the unknown to experiencing plain old every day ordinariness for a week now. I am being gentle with myself, allowing myself to shed tears when I need to but making sure I am carrying out my duties at work and at home and keeping up with my wonderfully supportive friends both here and online. I can only do this because of all the people praying for me!
On Thursday night I was pondering Mother Teresa's book "Come Be My Light" at the same time I was castigating myself for not having written our priest a condolence note yet on the death of his mother (at the end of June!) All of a sudden my favorite quote from St. Therese of Lisieux popped into my head. I knew I could write him a short note incorporating the quote from one of our mutual favorite saints.
I wrote something like this: "St. Therese knew that when you receive Holy Communion not only is Jesus about to dwell in you but since the saints and angels in heaven are perfectly incorporated into Christ all of heaven will come to you too. When St. Therese, who lost her mother at a young age, wrote about her First Communion she said that all of heaven entered her soul when she received Jesus and her mother came to her as well." I hoped the words of this little saint would bring him comfort now and always.
The Eucharistic prayer Father used today mirrored that quote and he called upon the intercession of St. Therese as well. I know Father was not giving me a shout out but it made me feel happy just the same. And it really brought home to me that the Communion of Saints is extremely powerful!
Prior to the Eucharisitc prayer, while we had sung the Magnificat as the Offertory hymn, I had "put Luke on the paten." I put Nikki on there too. So by the time we finished singing the hymn and the prayers I was getting a bit wobbly.
As I walked up to receive Communion I knew I was approaching Jesus but today I felt like He wasn't just under the appearance of bread but that I could physically sense Him standing there looking as He did when He walked the earth. When Father gave me a piece of the broken Host I pretty much lost it. I know all the Hosts, round or broken, are all 100% Jesus but there is something special to me about receiving Him that way.
I mumbled "amen" and bolted back to my seat where I broke down into heaving sobs. Luckily hubby had brought tissues and handed one to me. I hope I didn't scare the people around me. Perhaps they prayed for me. By the time we got home I was OK and Laura and I messaged a bit and that helped too.
I returned to Holy Mother Church nearly 7 years ago (Dec. 1, 2002 to be exact) and for the most part it has been a time of great peace in my life. I kept wondering when the next difficult stage would come because I know it can't always be like this. Seven is the biblical number of completion so maybe it's imminent. I feel God has been preparing me for this next chapter all this time. I can only pray for Luke's safety - physically and spiritually - and that I remain faithful. As someone said to me - Luke is in God's hands now and that's the best place to be.
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